No More Ms. Nice Guy

Okay, I am taking a little hiatus from online dating due to the run-in with the wanna-be psycho. My plan was a man-break, which sounded lovely. Then, at midnight Friday night, I get a text. No it wasn't the ex, or any ex, it was my friend Dave. Dave worked with me and is a bartender on the side. He texted me to ask if he could give my number to Tom, a guy I met at Dave's bar a year or so ago.

I was rather tipsy at the time and was chatting Tom up. He asked if I had a boyfriend, I was dating the ex and said sort of. Then dared him to kiss me. He did. It was pretty steamy. Then I left and never saw him again. I felt a little guilty about my BF at the time, seems silly now, and we talked about meeting back at the bar sometime soon. I didn't go.

So, I told Dave he could give him my number and Tom texted me Saturday morning. and asked me out for Valentine's weekend!!! Eeek. My first date with my ex-husband was Valentine's Night. That worked out well...

On the upside, Tom lives in another city and I do remember him as intelligent. He had been living in London for work and had just returned to the US when we met. He is coming to my town to run a marathon. His second in about a month. He may be WAY to fit for me. I guess we'll see...

It had to happen...

OH MY GOD... I spun the wheel and finally hit C_R_A_Z_Y. Like shithouse crazy, too crazy for the crazies, if you lived in the ghetto your family would keep you in a closet crazy. I decided to take the whole Match thing into my own intelligent hands. I did an "advanced Search" and decided to look for things that I now realized were very important to me. Because, you know, I have shown such skill at identifying men who were good for me throughout my life. Yep. Forget the cheaters, the addicts, the cheating addicts and the losers, remember that one guy in 1st grade that I liked for a day? He turned out to be pretty cool. 

I chose this guy bc he looked smart, a little nerdy and he had a Johnny Cash reference in his headline. I know, recipe for success! He texted me a lot, and even asked me out via text. I thought it was a little strange, but went with it. We had the witty repartee going and decided to meet tonight for a drink. I was actually excited. And then we met. For some reason, he looked exactly like his pictures yet was completely unattractive to me. In the pics, I thought he was nerdy cute. In real life, nerdy not cute. Then he tells me at dinner that he just resigned from his job last Friday. Huh? In this economy? Are you freaking kidding me?

Then he says that he gets child support from his wife bc he is the primary custodial parent. Hmm. Sounds like he's a good dad, but he literally never mentions his kids in anything but a VERY distant manner. He also mentions his ex ran off with this shady character who she is still with. Hence the strange custody deal. I would like to run away with the strange guy about now...

After the date, I am driving to pick up my daughter and he texts me "Did u have fun?" I am driving and don't really know what to say. Five minutes later he texted me, "Guess not...Whatev". I have clearly gone on a date with a thirteen year-old girl. I finally send back "Just picked up my daughter. Had a nice time at dinner- thanks!". Debbie Gibson responds- "whatever"  again. Then just a minute ago, he sends "I am feeling relaxed. I wonder why?" I guess that is his way of saying he's drunk from the margarita and a half he had. I didn't respond, which is my way of saying, "please lose my number NOW".

I may be done with online dating. Or dating in general. Or human beings...

He's Just Not That Into Me...???

So, this writer that I met online, and I have gone out with twice seems to either be done with me or maybe mad at me. Our second date was pretty fun and ended with a nice kiss. We texted occasionally after that and then last weekend he asked me to do something Sunday evening. He was in a tennis tournament Saturday and Sunday. I idiotically said yes, knowing full well that my daughter was going to be back from hanging out with her dad. I guess I was thinking maybe it would work. SO Sunday, he texted me to ask if I wanted to come over to his house and have pizza and watch football. I admit, I was a little nervous about going to his HOUSE and I wasn't too excited about football. Anyway, I said in what I thought was a witty manner that I couldn't but would love a rain check. He responded wittily and I thought all was fine.

I have texted him twice since then and no response. I can't say I am heartbroken, because I'm not. But, I did enjoy spending time with him and am sort of disappointed. He was a great email writer and texter. Very funny. Oh, well.

The software designer/ engineer guy from dinner last week emailed me and said he has his kids this weekend and is going skiing the next weekend, but would like to do something with me after all of that. He said, "Are you patient? And do you even want to go out again?" It was sort of cute. At the same time, I wonder, if you were REALLY interested wouldn't you find a way to see me before February? And... if I was REALLY interested, wouldn't I care that you don't want to see me until February. Again- Oh, well.

How do you date?

I really never "dated". I went out with someone once and never again, or I went out with someone once and then dated them for a couple of years, or married them, or just slept with them for a period of time. 

I do not know how to date. So, I go on lots of first dates and then don't call them back. Or I avoid seeing them very often. But now, in theory, I am "dating" a couple of people. First, lest you judge, I am sleeping with no one. Just not ready for that. It is difficult with online dating because I don't know them very well, and I get them a little mixed up some of the time. Only in my head, they don't know. I am not sure if I have shared the hilarious story about my college roommate or the harrowing details of my divorce. Their names are aso sort of mix-upable: Ben, Mike, Jeff and Steve. Come on! Couldn't one of them have been named by Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner?

I need to remember that they are dating, also. Probably. And I need to remember that dating is okay. No one is required to end up spending holidays together or even sleeping together. New mantra: It's okay to date, It's okay to date, It's okay to date...

The upside of all of this is that for the first time in my life, I am really thinking about what I want as opposed to starting to date someone and then trying to figure out how to change them. Interesting concept...

Dinner Date

The guy: 44 year-old software designer/engineer/sales person??? I really have no idea what he does. He works from home a lot, travels some, seems very financially comfortable. He has two kids- 10 and 6 and spends about 1/2 of the time with them. He was pretty cute. Nice eyes and good body. Dressed well. He is originally from Minnesota, but doesn't have the accent. Noted that I don't have an accent. 

The date: We met for a drink, but ended up getting a table and eating dinner. Good conversation, he had some pretty funny stories abut his accident prone life. He has broken LOTS of bones, badly. He is a runner. Kind of goofy, yet cute. He walked me to my car and put his arm out which I liked. No kiss, nice hug, asked if I would like to go out again and get to know each other some more. I said yes, and actually think I will take his calls. Progress!

Coffee Date w/ Semi-Conductor Engineer

I was a little skeptical about a coffee date, but it is a pretty good idea. Short time, can be extended if you want, minimal cost, low key. For some reason, I feel sort of bad on these dates when people take me to fabulous restaurants and then I can't even bear to call them back to say no to the second date. That sounds even worse in print...

So, the engineer. The guy seemed cute online, maybe a little dorky. I was unsure, but felt better about it after listening to him talk to his daughter while we were on the phone. She is 12 and had dyed her hair blue over the holidays. He was trying to help.  Oh, also, he sent me a recording of him singing a Bon Jovi song on youtube. It was kind of kooky, but he had a pretty good voice and it sort of cracked me up.

The date was pretty tepid. First, his outfit. He was wearing jeans and an oldish looking white polo with blue stripes. The collar was sort of limp and sad. He is cute, in a way, reddish auburn hair, brown eyes. He has a very formal way of speaking. Very formal. Says things like, "I digress" in all seriousness. Asked me about my favorite wine, favorite country for wine (hint- I do not know a lot about wine). He lived in France for a year, which is cool. Unfortunately, he is not cool. He is very rigid, probably very nice and there was no spark. I wish I could like him. Or someone like him. Or anyone but my former boyfriend.

How did this happen to me?

I am 38. I am the mother of a nine-year old daughter. I taught Sunday School (okay, that makes me sound much more righteous that I am or ever could be). And now I am on Match, meeting strange and sometimes interesting men. It is STRANGE that there are so many INTERESTING ("I love to work out every day, volunteer at Habitat for Humanity and rub my significant other's feet") men on Match when the real world seems to be filled with so many rather NORMAL and BORING men. I put almost nothing on my profile, because I find it humorous and crazy to think of what it would say if I was being honest...